Friday, July 29, 2011

The Love of a Horse

Broken and lost, I hit rock bottom from time to time. When things get too bad I walk out to the pens and sit back in the hay. Sometimes I close my eyes and just let the tears roll. It's always when my shoulders start heaving that I feel her warm soft nose on my cheek. She pushes gently and sometimes she lips at my hair. To me it's her version of "Shh, it's okay, I'm here." She's the only one who can see me so vulnerable; I can't let anyone else see. Sometimes I lean my face against her cheak and drag my knees to my chest. She never moves, she stands there, hooves planted, with her face pressed to mine. Sometimes I don't know why I hurt, but she always does, and she always has the remedy.
When the breakdowns are too bad I exhaust myself; sometimes I fall asleep in the hay. When I wake up and roll over I always roll right into her side. Many people would find this a little scary, but my horse laying next to me legs tucked, with her nose resting lightly on my shoulder, is the greatest comfort I know. Normally I lean back against her and look up at the sky while I run my fingers through her mane, and I realize that I really am going to be okay. So I found another bump in the road, but it's only going to make me stronger, life is beautiful if we just take the time to see it.
To have the love of a horse is an amazing thing. People who don't know horses can never understand that, no matter how hard they try. You can only know how truely amazing it is if you've actually posessed it, if you've had a bond so tight with an animal that nothing can break it. I've always been told that every cowboy/cowgirl is given one truely great horse in their lives. I have mine and she is what has kept me going the past few years. Through all the lost friends and lost loved ones, she has been there. I earned her love and her trust and in return she has mine. She's been my healing aid and through her I have began to learn to trust people again. I guess I figure that if she can love and trust something that's not even the same species as her, then maybe I should learn to have a little faith in my own kind.

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